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I’ll read more than write

I read a poem  
Where hell wore the skin
Of a gentle soul
And I wondered 
How God aloud scripture 
To be written
By a woman.
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I Awoke In Heaven

I walked up to the gates and then walked in
In secret, face covered; lest they know who I’ve been

But among all the light, gate guards, and walls
I became sorely aware of the voice and its calls.

Deep from within it’s always been there
Something mostly ignored, without notice, or care

It lead me to him but not quite before 
I saw where he stood far off past the door.

Across me he smiled, so clearly with glee 
‘Was he happy to see me, now how could that be?’

Aloft was the father and aside him the call
A chorus of angels, (the) Son, Mother and all.

And even though he knew me and invited me in 
I couldn’t shrug off the sorrow or grief of my sin.

In a room where they saw me, and hoped that I’d stay
They could still see the flaws I never wanted to display.

So in a moment of panic, such a tumultuous fear 
Only one option was left, to run, it was clear.

I sped to the gates, past the guards siding the hall
But felt a bittersweet sadness of the voice, of the call.

I stopped at that gate, that had once seemed so thin
And looked to the walls that were letting all in.

Never was I thrust from his grace, love, or joy
It was I who had left him, at young age, just a boy. 

So in this I did manage to turn myself round 
They saw me approach and not one of them frowned.

I walked with an edge and slowed in my stride 
Til still was the advance, and from there’s where I cried:

“Please if you’ll have me I’d much like to stay
Though life’s left a debt that I’ve still yet to pay.

I’ll learn more of kindness and also to rise
So that I can be someone without a disguise.”

Stopping my chatter and re-feeling my plite 
I wanted to stay but no more out of spite. 

A moment elapsed till my God finally spoke
Such a meaningful thing that my spirit then awoke.

“You are yourself and I made you to be
Enough for us all as you are don’t you see?

I know you will worry that we judge what you’ve done
Out of wrath, out of spite, or the spirit of fun

But just take a moment as a father yourself
Could you love your son less for the life that you’ve dealt?

Now listen close to me, I wont be misheard,
If you wish to stay here then your voice will be heard.

But if you suppose that I don’t know your name
And bank on the fact that I wont know your blame

Then take just a moment to ponder my voice 
In life you made choices but here’s the last choice.

You’ve lost, and you’ve loved, and you’ve held things so dear
But I am your God and I vanquish all fear.

So abandon the devil at the hedge of my gate
Fear has no place in this life or this fate.

You have done well and the best that you could
so hear in my voice, that I see you as good.”

Standing in place as I’d always withstood
I now was joyous to know I’d done all that I could.

So if you think heaven is a place not for you
then ask of our God and he’ll know what to do.

Mercy is more than his middlest name
if you come unto God then he’ll do the same.

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To Write and Wonder

I wonder does the Lord think of me  
When of his scars he doth see?

Or does he think upon another 
Someone worthy, a little brother?

And of the things he understands
I would ask about his hands.

Me a single, and me alone 
Is my sorrow there and shown?

And if he thinks upon my name 
Is it to point and place the blame?

Would he regret what he has done 
Or know my faults and see of them none?

I went to Hell last night

I followed a friend
Who’d asked I stay close
Even in the end 
A promise still kept morose. 

And though I knew hell 
was a place not for me 
A place scorching in sorrow,
people who’d never be free,

Amidst all the fires 
and brimming gate walls 
There was a something quite alluring
In the mercy filled calls.

With the spite, shame, and lust 
All neat enough spaced 
I wondered aloud 
“Where is it I would be placed?”

And the devil must’ve heard 
Though he hasn’t got ears
He’s a man without gender 
Hands bloodied with tears.

He crept up behind
But was there all along
From way deep inside 
He’d been leading us on. 

Then spoke with the voice 
That had never known life 
Of someone who’d seen
And learned to cause strife.

Slow were the words 
But quick was the Witt
The Devil then gestured
Where I was to sit.

And a banquet was made 
In front of my eyes 
A luxurious gesture 
I’d learn to despise.

So then when we sat
And got talking along
I finally did ask
Why the scene was all wrong.

The Devil then stopped 
And looked slowly up
Decidedly smiled 
And drank from his cup.

“So soon you will know
And soon you will see
That the torture is here
Only in company.”

I listened some more 
And thought on the thing
What torture’s that a
Harmless chatting would bring. 

He knew I’d been stumped 
And did lend me a hand
I think he was eager 
That I understand.

“Being a person as good as you’ve been
No blame or fault to find 
Nor thing to call sin
Can’t you drink in your folly 
and see my way in
Has always been to taunt you
With what I might’ve been?

You care from the heart 
And cannot let the damned go
So for you there’s a banquet 
As a nice little show.

Your punishment eternal,
A start from here on in,
Is to observe the better side 
To all that did sin.

And though you don’t know it 
I’m sure you’ll soon learn
That in weeping for others 
The tears start to burn.”

I had thought in that moment 
Set apart from all time 
I’d duped the very devil
To live existence divine

that I’d then gotten off easy
Without fire, without torment, or mar
But in time I did know 
that the devil sees far. 

So here I will tell you
A warning of sorts.
When they accept you in heaven 
Just agree with the courts,

The devil is harmless
But he’ll still always know 
How to find where you’re strongest 
And make of it a show.

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That time Apart

A simple moment  
And sullen toon.
The ghastly face
Of him the loon. 

In midst of the crowd 
Or aside by the bar
That ludicrous voice
Both near side and far.

A carnival setting
At night unlike most
Where each little child 
is totally engrossed.

There are no adults.
Not a single in sight.
Now there is a way
we can thicken our plight. 

A place without rules
where life is a joke
and everyone's heard
without having spoken.

Imagine the problems
of a world like that then
you're free to be you
but who'd you be then?
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I’m still here loving you

A slowly taken step 
A widely made mistake
A backbreaking discovery
Leaving pain in its wake.

A moment come and gone
A one you’d hoped to stay
But who on earth could tell
What’d happen on that day?

A child lain to rest
And mother left to live
But really what did God expect
When he took all she could give?

Somewhere past this life 
A tiny hand does rest
Upon that mothers bowed back
Instead of on her chest.