I Awoke In Heaven

I walked up to the gates and then walked in
In secret, face covered; lest they know who I’ve been

But among all the light, gate guards, and walls
I became sorely aware of the voice and its calls.

Deep from within it’s always been there
Something mostly ignored, without notice, or care

It lead me to him but not quite before 
I saw where he stood far off past the door.

Across me he smiled, so clearly with glee 
‘Was he happy to see me, now how could that be?’

Aloft was the father and aside him the call
A chorus of angels, (the) Son, Mother and all.

And even though he knew me and invited me in 
I couldn’t shrug off the sorrow or grief of my sin.

In a room where they saw me, and hoped that I’d stay
They could still see the flaws I never wanted to display.

So in a moment of panic, such a tumultuous fear 
Only one option was left, to run, it was clear.

I sped to the gates, past the guards siding the hall
But felt a bittersweet sadness of the voice, of the call.

I stopped at that gate, that had once seemed so thin
And looked to the walls that were letting all in.

Never was I thrust from his grace, love, or joy
It was I who had left him, at young age, just a boy. 

So in this I did manage to turn myself round 
They saw me approach and not one of them frowned.

I walked with an edge and slowed in my stride 
Til still was the advance, and from there’s where I cried:

“Please if you’ll have me I’d much like to stay
Though life’s left a debt that I’ve still yet to pay.

I’ll learn more of kindness and also to rise
So that I can be someone without a disguise.”

Stopping my chatter and re-feeling my plite 
I wanted to stay but no more out of spite. 

A moment elapsed till my God finally spoke
Such a meaningful thing that my spirit then awoke.

“You are yourself and I made you to be
Enough for us all as you are don’t you see?

I know you will worry that we judge what you’ve done
Out of wrath, out of spite, or the spirit of fun

But just take a moment as a father yourself
Could you love your son less for the life that you’ve dealt?

Now listen close to me, I wont be misheard,
If you wish to stay here then your voice will be heard.

But if you suppose that I don’t know your name
And bank on the fact that I wont know your blame

Then take just a moment to ponder my voice 
In life you made choices but here’s the last choice.

You’ve lost, and you’ve loved, and you’ve held things so dear
But I am your God and I vanquish all fear.

So abandon the devil at the hedge of my gate
Fear has no place in this life or this fate.

You have done well and the best that you could
so hear in my voice, that I see you as good.”

Standing in place as I’d always withstood
I now was joyous to know I’d done all that I could.

So if you think heaven is a place not for you
then ask of our God and he’ll know what to do.

Mercy is more than his middlest name
if you come unto God then he’ll do the same.

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